If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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