I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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