I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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