i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
