My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
