he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
