she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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