You just made me feel so damn special
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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