he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize