but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
