dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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