Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
