i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
