so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
