her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
