Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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