We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
