I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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