Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize