I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
