Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize