whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize