thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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