you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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