I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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