Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
