I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
