how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
