He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
