I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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