I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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