i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
