don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
