In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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