All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
