i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
