they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
