Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize