I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
