you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
