I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
