Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize