Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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