we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need moral support for this bender
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
