The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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