If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
