I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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