i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
