You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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