i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
