Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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