I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
