I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
