we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
