If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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