I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
