If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
