what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
