Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
