oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
