so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
