I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
