He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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