How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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