found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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