so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
