I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
