and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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