Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
